the secret world of women

granted, i'm not the girliest girl you'll ever meet. i don't wear make up very much, i don't do my hair, i wear jeans and a t-shirt everyday. but there are female grooming habits that must be upheld by all women. here is a list of a few. this is not an exhaustive list, mind you, seeing as how i'm not all that girlie. maybe there's stuff out there i don't even know about.

1. facial hair

yes, women get it and we are as disgusted by it as you are. why do you think they make all those creams, bleaches and waxes? every single woman i've ever known has to deal with it. and not just a mustache either. nope, we get whiskers. usually just one or two, but they grow and we get rid of them! hopefully, anyway. there are some women who choose to ignore it and i'm hoping they'll read this. another instance of facial hair is the eyebrows. i have been plucking mine since i was 13. and a word to the men reading this, there is absolutely no shame in plucking your uni-brow. that's all i'll say.

2. toe hair

i know, it's something you guys don't think about, but we women do! when we have pretty painted toenails, the last thing we want is for you to be distracted by a forest of wild toe hair. so we shave it. maybe more ambitious women wax it, but personally, i shave.

3. *ahem* the bikini line

i really don't want to say anymore about this one because i had a recent experience with some wax and it still hurts me to think about it. but i will say that we do try to keep it neatly trimmed down there, not so much for aesthetics, but cleanliness. and i'm not going to get into "that time of the month". we all know that it happens and believe me, there's a good reason why we get so crabby, ok?

i think that's all i'll get into today. i may have crossed the line already. i realize it was all about hair because that's where most of my angst comes from. and i think lots of women would agree with me on that one. feel free to fill in anything i may have missed, girls.

monty python makes me giggle

Let's not bicker and argue about who killed who!


What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

from sleeping in to a nudist colony in less than 1 minute

i thought it was time for another installment of my crazy thought processes...

last night as i was falling asleep, i found myself hoping i could sleep in in the morning. then i thought about my helpful young son and how he would most likely get breakfast for his sister and himself so mommy could sleep a little longer. then my thoughts moved to other mundane tasks of the day, like taking a shower. then i started wondering if my 5 year old son would be scarred for life because he had seen me naked when i was getting ready to get in the shower that day. then i thought, "hey, it's a natural thing. people at nudist colonies think there's nothing wrong with it." then i started thinking about nudist colonies and what it must be like to live there, especially for the women. like, how do they deal with "that time of the month"? i mean, they'd have to wear tampons, but then everyone would know because they'd have the visual evidence, right? so then maybe they wear underwear at that time. but even then, everyone would still know because why else would they be wearing underwear? and what about men? what if they see some hot, naked, female nudist? there really isn't any way to play hard to get, if you know what i mean. which reminds me of one of my favorite jokes:

how do you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?



it's not hard!

get it? it's a double entendre! because it's not difficult to detect which man may be blind because his penis wouldn't be erect, assuming he would be aroused by all of the naked women around him! get it? isn't that funny?

i do act my age!

You Are 28 Years Old

28 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

This Dog Is Mental!

i laughed SO hard at this. you guys had better laugh too.

crap

i done been tagged. so here goes...

What I was doing 10 years ago:
i had just quit my first job at taco hell and found a new job working in the sears hardware department. that was an awesome job, i had lots of fun and learned A LOT! i was going to be starting my second year of college and was living with my asshole boyfriend (the one who works at k-mart). around this time i got my first tattoo. i partied a lot. your typical 19 year old.

5 years ago:
in march i had my first baby and in may i graduated from college with a b.s. in biology. i was questioning my marriage and the integrity of my now ex-husband. i started working at my first real job where i met some lifelong friends (blair and cheech), learned a lot about myself and about what i want to do.

1 year ago:
about a year ago i decided it was time to get into the dating scene which was pretty nonexistent where i was living at the time (northern utah - imagine napoleon dynamite, without all the funny one-liners). about that time i was toying with the decision of moving home to arizona so there would at least be the possibility of having a life. now i'm here and i still have no life, but at least the possibility's still there!

yesterday:
i'm actually gonna go with the day before yesterday because that was more exciting. i had a job interview in tucson with a company that manufactures catheters. isn't that awesome? it would be a good job, so i'm keeping my fingers crossed.

5 snacks i enjoy:
chips and salsa (hot!)
beef jerkey
peanut butter and pickle sandwiches (don't knock it till you try it!)
popcorn
peanut butter m&m's

5 songs i know all the words to:
(i know all the words to almost all of the songs on my hard drive (over 2500 now), so i'll pick 5 of my fav's)
"stuart" by the dead milkmen
"stranded" by heart
"bring on the rain" by jo dee messina
"separate ways" by journey
"the scientist" by coldplay

5 things i would do with $100 million:
pay off all of my and my family's debts
buy a new house
invest money for my kids' future
give to charity (i'd have to research which ones to give to)
and ummm... go out to eat or something.

5 locations i would like to run away to:
bari, italy
fiji or some other tropical type place
alaska
new york city (just for awhile to see what it was like)
puget sound

5 bad habits i have:
smoking
chewing on my nails and cuticles
sleeping too much
talking before i think
over-spending

5 things i like doing:
playing with my babies
spending time with stinky
reading
stumbling (it's a firefox plugin that takes you to random sites on the net. it's addicting.)
people watching

5 things i would never wear:
shirts that show my belly
bikinis
ultra low rise waist jeans
mini skirts (especially not jean ones)
daisy dukes

5 tv shows i like:
judge judy
people's court
american idol
law and order svu
cold case files

5 biggest joys of the moment:
my kids
my friends' kids
my stinky
thunderstorms
the hope of a better life

5 favorite toys:
my computer
my star wars kid's meals toys (yes, i got them)
my lighter (it lights up and has a green flame!)
my car (subaru outback)
my son's legos

5 people i tag:
Krista
Sister
'stafari
cheech
stinky

(i know some of you don't have blogs, so this is your invitation to start!)

further evidence that i am a geek

ya know what one of my favorite stores is?

staples.

do you want to know why?

because i love office supplies. yes, you heard me right. there is nothing better to me than a cool new pen and a clean sheet of paper. when i was in college, i loved taking notes because there was nothing better than filling up a piece of paper with words and then switching to the next clean sheet.

also, the kookier the office supplies, the better. i have all sorts of colored, glittery, themed, or nostalgic pens and pencils. and when i'm at work, i surround myself with the stuff. i hardly ever get anything done because i'm always playing with my things.

case in point: today i went to wal-mart to simply pick up some pull-ups for my daughter (potty training is a blast!). and somehow i was inexplicably drawn to the office supply aisles. it makes me happy to just be there, looking at the mechanical pencils, post-it notes and sharpies (all 3 are examples of things i carry around in my purse... seriously). and, people, they make mini-sharpies now! isn't that awesome?!

i really need to start working soon so that i don't have to rely on the office supply aisles at wal-mart for my daily fix.

so what's with the name?

i've been using "issheinacoma" for the past couple of years now. it occurred to me when i heard the quote in my title. it was given in a movie - "high fidelity" - by one of my favorite actors, jack black. yeah, he's on my List. you know the List. the celebrities you're allowed to have sex with if they show up on your doorstep desperate for your superior lovemaking skills; even if you're in a committed, loving relationship. don't worry stinky, i won't tell them who's on your list. *giggle*

but, i digress. i think that quote is cute and funny in its own right, but there is, alas, a story behind it. you see, cheech and i used to joke about this quote and giggle. one time, we were having lunch with cheech's sister I'mCuteSoIDon'tHaveToBeSmart and we started giggling about this quote. not wanting to be left out, ICSIDHTBS started giggling too. she didn't quite understand what she was giggling along with, having not seen the movie, so she asked for an explanation. after telling her the background story (you know, the old guy asking for the record his daughter couldn't possibly like) she posed this intriguing question, "well, was she in a coma?" you can imagine the laughter that ensued.

like i've said before, i'm easily amused and have a small brain. it doesn't take much to set me off. and that's why i use that quote as my username. also, it's not usually taken... unlike brighteyes2005 or hugeknockers123.

your local mcdonald's will be the new milan

this is some crazy stuff! who cares what mcdonald's uniforms look like? they're just uniforms. it was said that micky d's is looking to update the uniforms so that their workers, who make about $6/hr, will feel inclined to wear their uniforms after work, for a night on the town. are they serious? i want to meet the marketing executive who thought this one up and punch them dead in the face. i am so tired of the asinine concepts those people come up with. you make hamburgers, crappy ones at that, and that's it. you don't dictate fashion or promote world peace. get over yourselves!

do you guys think that i'm taking this too far? i get so enraged about the silliest things.

i told you i'm not evil

and this proves it once and for all
How evil are you?

i'm calling you out, cheech

hehehehe...

hey cheech, remember that time where ol' what's-his-face and i were making fun of the notorious B.O.L.T.O.N. and we said how funny it would have been if when luke removed darth vader's helmet at the end of return of the jedi it had been michael bolton's face? and how i photoshopped a picture of bolton onto vader's face and how funny that was?

and remember how much you love rod stewart and everyone makes fun of you for it?

and remember how somebody stole your wilson phillips cd and no one would own up to it because they didn't want to admit that they liked wilson phillips too?

good times... good times...

p.s. you'd better post a comment to this one or my next blog is about the sheets on saturdays. don't test me. you know i'll do it.